Your Own Shadow

Chapter 1

Every person we meet in our ordinary day typically passes from memory as quickly as it entered like water racing along a riverbed. An endless stream of unique faces passing through our conscious only to slip away into the forgotten. Most insignificant to our task at hand or recollection, yet there is the one person that will connect with us on a subconscious level. A small fragment of our own persona nestled in a stranger. We all have a shadow aside from the one attached to us that follows our leading trail, there is a soul out there anxiously waiting to meet you for an unexplainable reason. Be it fate, destiny or bad luck, your shadow looms in a void until such time of the uniting occurs. Each experience unique, most pass with only a brief moment of revelation, to others the experience is harsh even traumatic. The shadows have been mostly forgotten or renamed over the years such as soul mates or even a stranger you might consider a long lost twin, because they look hauntingly similar. Yet they remain, patiently waiting for us all.
Our story begins with a middle-aged man experiencing some of the highs and lows that accompanies life. Theodore or Theo to his co-workers was driving home Friday night after leaving the party held in his honor. Tonight had been a particular wonderful night to conclude a spectacular week. Glancing into his rear view mirror Theo rubs a hand distractedly across his bald head. Tonight his friends had thrown him a celebratory party; his blood work test from the doctor had come back negative.
For the past fourteen months Theo had been struggling with a malignant tumor and now the fight was over. Returning his attention to the road, with a faint smile and the hope his wavy brown hair would soon return, Theo allows his mind to drift back to the events of tonight. Still unable able to eat much, he had an exhilarating time snacking, laughing and just having a fun night out with friends. The endless hours spent in the clinic, already becoming a distant memory.

This story is about Theodore, a cancer survivor that was about to meet his shadow. As he passed through an ordinary intersection, a vehicle hit him with such force his mind never registered the pain before rendering him unconscious.


Chapter 2

“Damn, I still can’t believe Cheryl is that limber…” he thinks and imagines himself with a sheepish grin. Allowing his imagination to wonder, the stiff collar of a office worker, restricting the blood flow to his brain is allowed to relax momentarily. He was driving home in complete darkness and his thoughts drifted to the woman working across his cubicle for two years now. Never caught stealing glances, he wondered if Cheryl knew he even existed. The muscles in his neck relax, his arms feel light and the tightness that persists constantly in his lower back had vanished. Relishing the superior state of relaxation, he thought of Cheryl wearing only seductive lingerie, dancing on top of his desk. The darkness surrounding him completely embraced him when a meek and suddenly forgotten voice of logic speaks directly to him, reminding the euphoric owner that he is still in fact driving home and be more responsive. Theo again imagines himself smiling and wanting to nod but it does not happen. It takes a moment to notice something was amiss. He blinks and looks lazily; the endless pavement is ahead with nothing to fear. He blinks again as the road vanishes his mind registers the void ahead, all perceived safety slips from existence. In his mind he screams, “Where did it go?” but the words never reach his lips and anxiety slips away. Thoughts without fear or anger, but of pure curiosity fill him. He was motionless with only the sound of his beating heart to accompany him. There wasn’t any realization or sudden flash of insight, only a calm curiosity. Theo was without pain.

Chapter 3

There was a brief flutter in his mind, but the view remained unaltered. Ahead was the darkness but something had changed. Theo sits calmly wondering, his mind sluggish and he did not seem to care. The idea and current situation is slowly contemplated, like a tumbling rock falling from hand to hand.
Slowly his vision shifts and Theo realizes he can move his head from side to side and does so. Still surrounded by darkness he notices something peculiar, he notices himself. Looking down he makes a startling discovery. Previously driving his vehicle home only moments ago, the connection is finally made that he is no longer driving,
Dressed in a suit he had never seen before he hears himself chuckle merrily then it quickly fades away leaving him baffled. He asked, “Who said that?” and his voice sounding haunted, nearly possessed, sent an uncomfortable chill up his spine. Theo felt certain he was alone; the unrelenting emptiness a persistent reminder that nobody was in the proximity but Theo sensed something. Each thought and every moment felt disassociated, he felt as though someone else preoccupied his own body. His vision shifts then fractions of a second later his sight clears. In his mind he begins to wonder what happened to the road, but a sense of such tranquility flows over him the drive home is forgotten. Working slowly up his back a soothing warmness coats his skin from the lower back towards his shoulders when and where it began, Theo was not sure. The slight flutter occurs again…

Chapter 4

The pleasant warming sensation crawling up his back persisted but Theo realized something was different, “What’s going on?” he whispers in the dark. The worry of driving had returned and was developing into fear. Wanting only to open his eyes and pull his vehicle to the shoulder of the road he knew catastrophe was waiting patiently. Wanting him to watch the carnage unfold. His body refused to respond but the silence persisted. Then Theo heard, something. His mind pauses, all attention is focused towards listening, but he can’t ignore that warm sensation coating his back, now encompassing his neck. Theo heard something again this time louder and easily distinguishable, a single droplet falling through the air, striking a body of water. The distinct bloop sound resonates in his head. Slowly the warming growth began working into his scalp, which he both adored and feared. He could not comprehend how the sensation which felt warm and thick, flowed against gravity.
Sighing in frustration Theo attempts to open his eyes again, he finds he cannot. “What if I’ve already pulled over, what if I’m already home?” Theo thinks while attempting to calm himself and rationalize the current events. Recalling each detail from the moment he left the party, his mind searches and replays all that he had seen with less accuracy.

He hears the bloop sound, recognizing it instantly and believes the sound originated from above him. Wanting to look up and see how it could be, his head is instantly filled with a tremendous pressure directly behind his eyes. It was not a crippling pain but the discomfort grew with each beat of his heart. Bloop-bloop, Theo takes little notice, the discomfort has consumed his attention. Bloop-bloop, this time much louder and Theo does notice. He strains to listen wanting to ignore the beat of his own heart, waiting for the next droplet to fall. Complete silence prevails…

The wall of sound that collided with Theodore as he sat waiting for something to happen was similar to being hit by a rogue wave, unexpected and brutal. His face grimaced as the unwelcome sounds assaulted his hearing. A barrage of car horns, sirens and vaguely he heard someone moaning incoherently in the distance. The sudden flood of sounds was so overwhelming that he missed the flutter but as the flash occurred, all he could hear was another droplet striking the surface just as everything faded away. Kerplunk…

Chapter 5

The shift takes him unexpectedly, the sounds had vanished and the normal control over his body was restored. Theo looks down with great interest of this new attire. The pin-stripped suit.
Casually lifting his left arm then right he observes the sleeves of perfect length and marveled how the material moved with him. Looking down at the black suit with soft pink vertical stripes, while rubbing his hands down the double-breasted jacket he draws in a deep breath, filling his chest and holds with his eyes closed. Opening his eyes with the exhale Theodore realizes he had never felt better. The sheer panic and chaos that swarmed and consumed him had completely dissipated. His existence had begun to collapsed only moments ago, yet Theo finds himself reclining and enjoying the tranquility.
He raises his left then right foot slowly admiring the deeply polished leather shoes and pleaded cuffs. His starched white button-up shirt, which was masterfully tailored, and the blue silk tie complemented the suit and were unlike anything Theo had worn before. He takes in another deep breath and smiles. There was nothing around him but a dark void, he didn’t question how or why, just simply enjoyed it. Below him was a very peculiar recliner, the fabric was a horrid red-checkered color combination and abrasive against his skin, but the cushions felt like clouds. Attempting a bounce, he laughs aloud as the cushion recoils faster than expected and does not achieve what one would expect to be a proper bounce.
Looking ahead Theo can almost feel a slight momentum forward, but with no reference he is left with an active imagination. He sits back totally unconcerned, deep in his psyche not being in control was something the office worker was accustomed too.

Chapter 6

The onslaught of sounds return with such force that Theodore desperately attempts to cover his ears but has forgotten his body refuses to respond, sending a sharp burning pain into his neck. A tremendous hissing noise erupts nearby, which concealed the screams of an unseen stranger. As the pressure in his head continues to build, an explosion occurs rocking him from side-to-side. Powerless as the heat wave encompasses him but quickly fades. As the light from the blast fades, he realizes that he could see and alas opens his eyes to the carnage.

What he did not initially recognize was the interior of his car. The broken glass floated in a pool of water that was mixed with blood and oil. Both arms, which still burned in agony, dangled above his head as though the puppeteer strings had been severed. Theo found himself suspended in the shattered remains of his vehicle.
His mind races’, attempting to piece together the fragmented memory but fails to comprehend how he ended up in the current state of distress. The ambient was dim, with only a flicker of light from a fire. The screams had ceased but as the stench of smoke, antifreeze and the lingering airbag gas reached his nose, Theo forgets what he had previously heard. The air so thick he finds difficulty breathing and experiences a new level of pain as he is forced to cough. A wave of dizziness and nausea washes over, following the cough as each subsequent breath increasingly difficult.
Bombarded with an overwhelming sensation of choking, Theo approaches a state of panic. It is now that Theo realizes that he is suspended upside-down. In desperation to move or reposition only to discover his legs are not responding and appear to be pinned beneath the navigation console. With a sour taste in his mouth, he realizes that his left leg is angled and is thankful that he cannot feel the pain.
With a slow reassuring voice he attempts to calm himself as the noise escalates. Looking around trying to be resourceful and free his entangled body, but with no working extremity, the cancer survivor is powerless. It is at that moment he notices a consistency in the pool of water, ripples. The light reflecting off the water at certain angles it takes a moment to see the steady cascade of miniature waves marching away from him. Twisting and turning to obtain a better view, Theo realizes, as another droplet falls that he was the source, and the warming sensation coating his back and head, was his own blood. He watches in dismay at the now steady stream of blood mixes into the pool of dirty water. Suddenly Theo begins to sway as agonizing pain explodes in his back. Clueless as to the surrounding environment outside of his car Theo can only gasp as he experiences the brief euphoria of falling. A high-pitched sound of metal on metal scraping frightens him, as his car begins to slide deeper into the collection of water. The rate, at which the water level rises, astonishes Theo and he can only close his eyes in hopes these are not his final moments. The car stops with a sudden jolt; his body is snatched violently against the seat belt. The exertion against his chest forces him to open his eyes, only to find the water level has engulfed the majority of his own hairless scalp. Desperately attempting to lift his head from the water he cannot however Theo can feel the water slowly moving towards his eyebrows. there was nothing he could do, except scream…

Chapter 7

The silence was abrupt, in the darkness ahead Theodore watches as a miniscule point slowly takes shape. His own scream for help is instantly forgotten, pushed aside by his consciousness before the ringing of his own voice fades away. As Theo and whatever was in the distance slowly merged an additional knot grew in his stomach. Distractedly he rubs his damp palms against the armrest, while trying to ascertain what he was focused upon. Without reference of time or distance waiting as the unknown arrived, felt like an eternity. Squinting as a resort while attempting to unsuccessfully obtain a better view Theo is forced to wait for the inevitable.
Slowly a red-checked recliner comes into view. Subtly shaking his head in disbelief, watches as a mirror image mimics his movement. Heart skipping a beat at the sudden movement from whoever sat across from him, Theo sits back with a gasp and the reflection did the same.
“This is some sort of game,” he tells himself cautiously. Suddenly he lifts his right arm and his actions are mirrored instantly. Lowering his arm to its resting place he says aloud, “Must be a mirror. I’m seeing myself…” but there was one profound difference, the reflection looking back had a head full of hair.
Just then the momentum ceased and Theo’s reflection suddenly grins, exposing a mouthful of teeth. His own face goes slack and blank; there was nothing funny or pleasant about the expression. Exact in every detail, Theo sat uneasily watching someone who he assumed was a mirage.
“Welcome,” the imposter tells him excitedly while extending his arms outwards in a gracious manner, “I’ve been expecting you.”

Chapter 8

Throughout the sickness with cancer, Theodore never experienced the fear of death more so than he did right now. The water level continued to slowly climb and had already claimed the upper portion of his head. Moving his head forward would provide some additional time, but the uncertainty of how long he would be capable of holding that position was unclear and frightening.
There had been sirens but even they had succumbed to the noises around him. Except for the task of remaining calm there was little diversion to pass the time. He thought of his career and acquaintances met over the years. Mostly of the woman who he worked beside all these years but never had the courage to talk with casually. There had been his parents but they passed away many years ago, and the cousins he never cared for also vanished. Theo reflects how he could of survived a fatal illness and not have anyone to share the experience with. So many before him with much more to live for had failed to defeat cancer and now he faced the grim reality of being alone. The water level rises the slightest of degree moving increasingly closer to his eyebrows. The warming flow on his back continued but a stabbing coldness had developed in the center of his chest, radiating outwards.
There was a slight surge of water; Theo opens his mouth instinctively preparing for the worse as a slight amount of water pours into his nostrils. The burning sensation shooting into his head made it difficult to think but the splashing noise alerted him that someone had joined his little catacomb. He looks to find the visitor wearing a fireman’s coat and not looking very pleased about being wet.
“We are going to get you out of here bud,” the fireman begins while reaching into the water.
Theo cannot feel the man’s gloved hand travel down his leg to the point where the deformed dash had pinned him. Watching he notices the face of the professional, glance around uneasily with the worst expression possible, the devastating expression of doubt shadowed across the mans face.
“Okay,” the man begins. “Give us a couple of minutes and we will get you out of this mess.”
Theo does not speak knowing the fireman doesn’t believe it either. He simply nods his head and watches helplessly as the fireman departs. The water level increases once again, the edges of his eyebrows now saturated with the murky water. Time was running out and Theodore is about to die alone.

Chapter 9

The two men regarded the other for several minutes, sitting in complete silence. Theo did not understand and was rapidly reaching a point of not caring who this imposter was. How this person who appeared to be a twin could bring him to such a place or hijack his dream, bothered him. Theo had no answers and by gauging the expression of the man sitting across from him, whoever it was knew exactly what he was thinking.
“You have many questions,” the stranger begins with a soft voice “but allow me the privilege of time to question and explain all that is happening.”
Gesturing with his hand Theo thinks sarcastically that he already doesn’t like the man across from him, or was it himself he thought offhandedly.
Lifting his right hand and gesturing outward the man begins, “This is my home.” Theodore does not look away; he focused only on the person before him, trying to decide what could be done.
“I know it doesn’t look like much, but this is where I’ve spent the majority of my life. Waiting and watching you Theo.”
Finally he can remain silent no longer, he owed this person no privileges. “Who are you exactly and why am I here?”
The man smiles, “Ah yes the ultimate question.”
Undaunted and slightly amused, Theo balls his fist and pokes the chair under him sternly several times to emphasize the point. “No,” he exclaims “why am I here with you?”
He does not reply, sitting quietly watching Theodore’s expression.
Theo thinks jovially, “He doesn’t understand.”
Replying very slowly the man repeats, “We will get to why you are here.” He pauses to take a deep breath, and then begins. “Theodore you can call me a great many things, your consciousness, soul, nemesis even but in reality I am you shadow. I’ve followed your life from the instant you came to be. All that has happened I have been with you, unable to react, forced to observe and suffer your mistakes.”
Refusing to move or react Theo bites his bottom lip as his face begins to burn.
“The greatest tragedy I’ve survived is your life,” the man tells him. “A sad excuse of solitude and refusing to take risks that would most likely enriched your life, but you never would take that step. Why is that?”
Theo knew he was right, but does not respond.
“Relationships, friends, family all neglected, all left for other endeavors which can only prove fruitless in the conclusion of your existence.”
“What is it you intend to do, is this my mid-life crisis revelation?”
Taken back as though the answer was obvious the man replies simply, “I am here now, and I’m taking control of your life. You’re no longer needed.”

Chapter 10

The water level surprised him, already surpassed the bridge of his nose. Theodore could not see anything the murky water burned his eyes. Taking a desperate gasp, he realizes his time is limited.
“Sir!” a distress voice calls out to him.
Theo recognizes it as the firefighter who was with him moments ago. He does not answer, simply takes another deep breath through his mouth.
“Sir, I can’t free your legs from the dash. We are going to pull your vehicle from the water with you in it. All you got to do is hang in there just another minute; soon as I get out they’re going to start. Can you understand me?”
Theo spats a small amount of water from his mouth and tries to nod without prematurely drowning himself. Then he thinks, “This can’t be safe…”

The water had partially submerged his nose when the rescue began. The mangled vehicle jerked violently as a loud grinding noise erupted only inches from his head. Inside the cab, the water sloshed back and forth. Theodore continually gasping for breath struggles to keep the water out of his mouth. For an instant the water level drops significantly and Theo believes he is going to be saved until a loud pop reverberates through his head, as the vehicle slowly returned to the depths.


Chapter 11

Theodore can feel himself wanting to laugh but resists, “What do you mean, I’m no longer needed?”
The imposter replies very coldly, “Your time here is done. It is my turn…” then he smiles “I’ve waited a very long time for this.”
No longer wanting to laugh stares back blankly, “You are joking right?”
“The joke has been your life, I would not treat your demise with humor or disrespect.”
He feels his heart palpitate beneath the black suit and blue tie, as his mind races Theo attempts to rationalize.
“Regrets?” the man questions him casually.
Theo knew the answer but refuses to indulge the man. Maintaining his silence was all that he could do. If his life was about to end, entertaining this asshole was the last thing Theo wanted to do.
The man frowns at the silence, “Very well. I hope you’ve enjoyed your life as it was. Farewell…”
The man snaps his fingers and everything before him goes dark. He felt himself slipping, before he could protest he was no more…


Chapter 12

He arrived in the body that had been sadly maintained and neglected for so many years with a smile on his face. The time was his and excitement coursed through his veins. With a huge smile and an eagerness to take on the world in a conquest he opens his eyes to a slight miscalculation.
In a state of shock and a deep gasp of breath, the new man fills his lungs with the murky water mixed with automotive and Theodore’s bodily fluids. He was completely submerged and his chest exploded in pain. Trying to yell out he cannot. His body convulses attempting to expel the water but cannot. Limbs are useless and quickly his mind begins to fog. This was not what he had expected. The deal to conquer the body he now occupied was harsh and the realization as he goes limp and slips into unconsciousness is frightening.
The shadow was no more.

Chapter 13

Standing in place he can hardly believe the chain of events. His eyes are closed shut, expecting the worse. Waiting for death to greet him, Theodore does not look up, does not open his eyes and remains stationary. Able to recall all that had been happening, the party, the crash, the fancy suit, a stranger who looked exactly like himself and the depressing recount of his life’s history. Thinking about what this shadow had told him, Theodore found himself frowning and realizing he did have regrets. All the information had been true, and now that his life was about to conclude all he thought about was the accumulated mistakes he had made.
Slowly he opens his eyes while looking up, ready for the flutter to take him away, ready to return to his vehicle and hope the professionals could perform a miracle. He looks up and is speechless. Standing in a marbled hall, Theodore blinks at the brilliance of light. Still dressed in the pinstriped suit he looks around for his shadow but finds himself very much alone. Lifting his right foot and taps his heel against the floor, smiling as the echo fills the hall. Ahead was a single wooden door. There was no sign, no markings only a metallic doorknob. Tempted he looks back to find the hall ends in darkness.
“Today I choose to step forward,” he says aloud, unsure if anyone could actually hear him or was listening. With a deep breath, Theo walks to the door as his heart flutters. He ignores everything and opens the door without hesitation, if he was being given a second chance at life he was not going to let it pass by. Beyond the wooden door was a mall, full of shoppers walking by, all unaware of his presence and talking excitedly. Astonished he wastes no time and does not look back to the approaching darkness, racing down the marbled halls ready to claim him. Theo steps through the opening and pulls the door shut. He straightens his jacket and runs his fingers through his hair. With a smile he embarks on his new life and nods to a very lovely lady who had caught his eye. Theodore was no longer just a survivor he was living.

Theodore was the type of man that reveled in complete regrets, even regretting he survived cancer and was given another chance at life. Sometimes a complete twist in the fabric of civilization is needed so that one person, one lonely office worker can achieve much. Sometimes it takes an intervention from your own shadow to step into the light. 